Relationship counselling in Melbourne’s western suburbs

When relationships become stuck

Relationships bring together two people with different histories, needs, expectations and ways of responding to the world.

Over time, couples can become caught in patterns that neither person deliberately chose. One person raises a concern, the other feels criticised and becomes defensive. The first person then pushes harder to be heard, while the second withdraws further. The original issue may become less important than the cycle that now plays out around it.

When you are in the middle of these patterns, it can be difficult to step back and see what is happening. Strong emotions narrow our attention, and each person understandably sees the situation from their own position.

Relationship counselling provides a structured opportunity to slow these interactions down, understand what is happening between you, and decide what you would like to do differently.

Reasons couples seek counselling

Couples may seek support when they are experiencing:

• • recurring arguments that never seem to be resolved
• • communication difficulties or frequent misunderstandings
• • emotional distance or loss of connection
• • reduced affection or intimacy
• • damaged trust
• • infidelity
• • disagreements about parenting
• • conflict involving extended family
• • major life changes or difficult decisions
• • differences in needs, priorities or expectations
• • uncertainty about whether or how the relationship can continue
• • a sense that the relationship has become dominated by tension, resentment or avoidance

You do not need to wait until the relationship reaches a crisis. Some couples seek counselling because a particular problem has become difficult to manage; others want to address patterns before they become more entrenched.

What relationship counselling involves

The first stage is to develop a clear and balanced understanding of the relationship.

This includes hearing each person’s perspective, identifying the concerns that have brought you to counselling, and examining the patterns that occur when those concerns are discussed.

The aim is not to determine which person is right. It is to understand the system that has developed between you and help both partners take useful responsibility for changing it.

Supporting both partners—and the relationship

Relationship counselling has three intended beneficiaries:

• • you
• • your partner
• • the relationship itself

This means that the time available needs to be used carefully. I take an active role in managing sessions so that the conversation remains useful and does not simply reproduce the same argument that occurs at home.

At times, I may slow the conversation down, redirect the focus, ask one person to listen while the other speaks, or draw attention to a pattern occurring within the session. This is not about taking sides. It is about creating the conditions in which both people can participate meaningfully.

Each person’s needs and wellbeing matter, while the relationship is also considered as something that has its own patterns, strengths and difficulties.

Managing imbalance and defensiveness

Couples rarely arrive at counselling in exactly the same position.

One partner may feel more dissatisfied, have more to say, or be more strongly invested in change. The other may feel blamed, cautious or uncertain about attending. Sometimes one person is considering separation while the other is focused on repairing the relationship.

These differences are not unusual, but they need to be managed carefully.

When one person becomes the main critic and the other becomes increasingly defensive, counselling can unintentionally reinforce the very pattern the couple is trying to change. I work actively to ensure that both partners have a genuine voice and that neither person is reduced to being the problem.

This does not mean treating all behaviour as equivalent or avoiding difficult issues. It means addressing concerns in a way that preserves each person’s capacity to reflect, participate and make changes.

A practical, evidence-informed approach

My approach integrates ideas and methods from:

• • systemic and family therapy
• • the Gottman Method
• • solution-focused counselling
• • cognitive behavioural therapy

Rather than applying one method rigidly, I draw on these approaches according to the couple, the concerns being addressed and what appears most useful.

In practice, this means combining careful exploration with active problem-solving. We work to understand how the difficulty developed, how it is currently maintained, and what each person can do to change the pattern.

The work may include communication skills, but relationship counselling is rarely just a matter of learning the correct words. Lasting change usually also requires understanding the emotions, assumptions, vulnerabilities and reactions that shape how those words are heard.

What happens in the first appointment?

The first appointment is used to understand:

• • what has brought you to counselling
• • how each person views the difficulty
• • what has already been tried
• • what tends to happen when the issue arises
• • what each person would like to change
• • whether both partners have compatible or differing goals for counselling

You do not need to arrive with an agreed description of the problem. Differences in perspective are expected and are useful information.

By the end of the early sessions, we should have a clearer shared understanding of the main patterns and an initial plan for the work.

Do both partners need to attend?

Relationship counselling will usually involve both partners.

Either person can make the initial enquiry, but it is generally helpful for both partners to participate from the beginning where possible.

There may be circumstances in which an individual appointment is useful. This will be discussed carefully, including how information from individual conversations will be managed.

If personal psychological difficulties require more focused attention than relationship sessions can provide, I may also recommend separate individual therapy. This does not necessarily replace the relationship work; it can complement it.

Why relationship counselling at home?

Meeting in your home can reduce the practical burden of attending counselling and provides a familiar setting for difficult conversations.

It may also make it easier to connect the work to everyday relationship and family life. The aim is not simply to have a productive conversation during the appointment, but to develop changes that can be used when familiar situations arise between sessions.

You will need a reasonably private and comfortable space where both partners can speak without unnecessary interruption.

Fees and appointments

Home-visiting appointments are available across:

• • Hobsons Bay
• • Moonee Valley
• • Brimbank
• • Maribyrnong
• • Wyndham

Please include your suburb or postcode when enquiring so I can confirm availability in your area.

Frequently asked questions